I Stopped Masking and Found Myself
I just realized how much of my life I’ve been performing. I’m 26 and only recently got diagnosed with ADHD. For years, I thought I was “too sensitive,” “lazy,” or “too much.” I adapted to what everyone else needed—at school, at work, in relationships. I became a shapeshifter. Friendly and energetic in public, but completely drained at home. I never really rested unless I felt like I had “earned” it, and even texts or conversations were overanalyzed like I was preparing for an interview.
Then I went on a solo weekend trip. For the first time in forever, I just existed—no mask, no pressure. I wandered around, left things unfinished, even cried in a museum for no reason, and I realized: this is what it actually feels like to be me.
It’s terrifying but freeing at the same time. I’m still figuring out who I am without the mask and grieving the version of myself I thought I had to be. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stay grounded while figuring out your real self?
Masking, especially for individuals with ADHD, is a common coping mechanism where one hides or suppresses their true feelings and behaviors to fit societal expectations or avoid judgment. Many who are newly diagnosed with ADHD find that they've spent years performing roles or adopting facades that leave them exhausted and disconnected from their true selves. This experience of masking can create significant emotional strain. It's not uncommon to feel like a "shapeshifter," adapting your personality depending on the environment—friendly and energetic in social situations while feeling drained and depleted in private. Over time, this can lead to feelings of confusion about identity, anxiety, and even self-criticism for being "too sensitive" or "lazy," as mentioned. The act of "unmasking," such as during solo trips or moments of solitude, can provide clarity and relief. It allows the individual to simply exist without external pressure or the need to perform. Such experiences reveal what it truly feels like to be authentic, even if that authenticity is accompanied by vulnerability, such as crying unexpectedly or leaving things unfinished. Finding yourself without the mask is often described as both terrifying and liberating. It's common to grieve the persona that you once believed was necessary to survive socially, while simultaneously embracing a more genuine version of yourself. To stay grounded during this transition, many find it helpful to engage in supportive communities (such as online forums or groups like #asklemon8 and #cozychat), practice self-compassion, and seek therapy or counseling specialized in ADHD and identity. Additionally, self-care practices that honor personal needs—like setting boundaries, allowing rest without guilt, and practicing mindfulness—play critical roles in rebuilding a sense of self. Remember, this journey is deeply personal and non-linear, and finding others who share similar experiences can be a powerful source of comfort and inspiration.
Wow, this really resonates with me. I also feel like I've been performing for so long, especially after my ADHD diagnosis. It's such a relief to finally exist as myself.