If they didn't make it obvious they were doing it,
The whole thing is about trying to attempt to control you through intimidation and keep you feeling on edge, while they can act like you're crazy for noticing it. the whole process is part of the coercive control playbook they use. more covert methods would only be useful for gathering information, and are abusers have other methods for that. they need to make sure we know they are doing it, while also not allowing us to have far enough reach for it to be obvious to everyone else as well. That's why they use suppression it's part of the isolation process, and much like the isolation process it is designed to limit the reach for the survivor to have any real support. This is all common as coercive control torturers need to have this level of power over us to keep us from healing. unfortunately I started healing before they realized it, went no contact before I healed loudly, and recently have been at the point where I have self-esteem, self-respect, and self-love. Instead of just sharing my trauma today, I can share my healing as well. I can use the prolonged attempts to maintain power my abusers keep on employing as education opportunities for others while doing the only thing that really hurts them, holding them accountable. I can help others today I am forcing my boundaries, standing out for myself, putting myself first in my life, and offering my knowledge and experience to other survivors in hopes they can use it to help in their healing process. I am not an expert in anything, I am not a trauma coach, I am not a therapist, I am just a survivor who had to heal on my own and as Dr Doyle would say MacGyver my recovery together from scratch. (I really wish I would have found his quotes years ago while I was macgyvering my recovery together while low contact with the entire world.) I always wanted to help people, it's one thing that truly made me happy. still to this day one of the happiest moments of my life was when I thought I helped someone out of a DV situation and help them get home only to find out later that they were doing darvo. Still the happiest moment of my life.that's why that person was put in my life, they wanted me to be afraid to help people. that's why they made the fact that they were doing darvo so obvious by the way, I've lied so badly. It was a two pronged attack, the first prong was meant to make me hesitant to help other people, and the second prong was to make me doubt my own intuition and gut. I am grateful today to know the only reason why so many women in my life turned out to be abusers is because my primary abusers my family put them there. That was such a relief, I never wanted to believe that most women were like that, but these types of women want us to believe that. I know they only represented the 2%, as a part of the true 1% of men who experience that 2% of women I understand that it's all men till it's no men. I understand believe all women. until there are more than 1% of men like me out there it is all men, and you should believe all women. but remember there are 1% of us out here any isolated, so they can convince you there are no decent guys left in this world so you just accept that the vast majority of POS men is all you have potential to find. there are millions of us out here in isolation, many of us never healed. Many of us in worse positions than me with even more powerful families controlling them. The vast majority of men suck, the patriarchy has ruined the world, capitalism is a tool of the patriarchy that teaches people coercion for financial gain is just how things work. we live in a broken society filled with broken men trying to break women so I understand completely why so many women feel how they feel right now. honestly I'm ashamed of my gender, I'm ashamed of my fellow man. I'm not going to make excuses for them, and even the ones who think they are not abusive still persistent question for a yes, ignore their friends cheating, & refuse to call out abuse from other men
Coercive control is a complex and insidious form of abuse that often goes misunderstood, but understanding its tactics can empower survivors and those supporting them. One aspect that might seem counterintuitive is why abusers sometimes make their actions blatantly obvious, such as through overt cyberstalking or public manipulation. From my personal experience and interactions with other survivors, this is a deliberate strategy designed to provoke a reaction and maintain psychological dominance. When abusers reveal their controlling behavior openly, it serves multiple purposes. Firstly, it creates a constant state of fear and anxiety in the survivor, keeping them emotionally unsettled and less likely to seek help. This fear is compounded when the abuser acts in ways that seem irrational or gaslighting, causing the survivor to question their sanity or perceptions. This tactic is part of the larger coercive control playbook used to isolate victims and cut off potential support networks. Additionally, by being obvious yet not blatantly exposed to the wider public, abusers limit how far the survivor’s cries for help can reach. They essentially create a shadow of control that is visible to the target but not easily recognized or understood by others. This suppression tactic fosters isolation, making survivors feel alone and helpless. Healing from such trauma is a difficult journey, often requiring survivors to go 'no contact' and focus on rebuilding their self-esteem, self-respect, and self-love. Sharing experiences candidly, including the moments of healing as well as trauma, can provide invaluable educational support to others who are still trapped in abusive cycles. It's crucial to remember that recovery is often self-driven and can involve piecing together strength and knowledge from various sources, much like 'MacGyvering' a recovery together with limited assistance. Survivors often face additional challenges, such as societal misconceptions about abuse and the patriarchy's influence, which can amplify feelings of shame or isolation. However, speaking openly about these issues, acknowledging the complexities of abuser-victim dynamics, and fostering communities of support can help break down these barriers. If you or someone you know is dealing with coercive control or similar abuse, recognizing these manipulative tactics is the first step toward freedom. Support from trusted friends, professionals, and survivor groups plays a critical role in overcoming the isolation enforced by abusers. Sharing knowledge and personal stories contributes not only to individual healing but also to broader awareness and change in how society responds to abuse.
