A negative still settling. A new cycle beginning. A daughter walking back through the door. A husband who reached for my hand in the quiet. A community of women I did not expect to find. And through all of it — God was still writing. Not the story I would have written for myself. Not the timeline

And every single month I have to decide what I believe all over again. Not what I believed last month. Not what I believed when this journey started seven years ago. What I believe right now. Today. This cycle. This month I am holding hope a little more quietly. Guarded but not gone. Tired but sti

Seven years of this journey teaches you things about hope that nobody tells you at the beginning. It teaches you to hold it a little more quietly sometimes. To protect what is left after a hard month. To keep going even when your heart is guarded. That is where I am this month. Not defeated. Not

Stayed in faith when the answer was no. Stayed present for my daughter when my heart was heavy. Stayed in my marriage when grief makes distance easy. Stayed soft when hardness would have been so much simpler. I don’t say that to be impressive. I say it because staying was literally all I had this

So he chose us. Not a fancy dinner. Not a big plan. He came home and said let’s get a pool. Y’all. A kids pool. In the backyard. Just the two of us sitting in it in the middle of summer like we did not have a care in the world. At one point he looked at me and said — do you think we look like red

Negative. Grieve. Rest. Begin again. Seven years of beginning again. And I want you to know — that is not weakness. That is the most ferocious kind of faith I know. I don’t begin again because I’m not tired. I begin again because He is still God. And His timing has never once been wrong. Even whe

Not the grades. Not the trophies. Not how she compares to someone else’s child or someone else’s family. When I get to heaven, God is not going to ask me about her GPA. He’s going to ask about her heart. Did she know Him? Did she love others? Did she share Him with the world around her? That is m

Not what I believe when it’s easy. Not what I believe when the answer is yes. What I believe when the house is quiet and the answer is not yet. Again. I believe He is still good. I believe this story is not over. I believe seven years of waiting has not been seven years of silence. He has been he

This week the answer was no. Again. And I felt it the way I always feel it — devastated. But not surprised. That’s what seven years looks like. You stop being shocked. But the grief doesn’t get smaller. It just gets quieter. I wrote this prayer for the woman who saw the negative this week and sti

A woman found this page this week and liked every single post. Then she showed up in my comments and told me why. She was in her two week wait. She got her period. She was devastated. She said: I’m tired. I don’t know what to think. I didn’t have words that fixed it. Nobody does. But I prayed fo