I’ve been ignoring my depression

It's incredible how long we can go on autopilot, isn't it? For months, I was convinced my constant exhaustion and desire to just sleep all day were normal. I'd wake up feeling drained, even after 8 or 9 hours, and the thought of facing the day felt like climbing a mountain. I was always tired and depressed, but I’d just push through, telling myself it was stress, or a demanding schedule. I kept up appearances, went to work, socialized when I absolutely had to, but inside, I was utterly spent. This is what 'high-functioning depression' can look like. You're doing things, but you’re not *living*. You're constantly masking, putting on a brave face, even when every fiber of your being screams to just stop. I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing the dullness in my eyes – what some might call a 'depression face.' It wasn't about vanity; it was about seeing a reflection that felt emotionally absent. What truly shocked me was realizing I'd been unknowingly living with persistent depressive disorder (PDD). It wasn't a sudden onset; it was a slow creep, a constant low-grade sadness that became my 'normal.' The OCR mentioned stopping medication, and for me, that was a huge turning point. The withdrawal symptoms were brutal – a whirlwind of emotions, extreme fatigue, and a feeling of spiraling down that I couldn't ignore anymore. It was like my body finally said, 'Enough.' This led to what felt like a nervous breakdown, and in that moment of complete emotional collapse, I finally understood the severe depression I’d been ignoring. Before that, I’d convince myself, 'I'm just tired.' But it was more than just physical tiredness; it was a profound weariness of the soul. The impulse to sleep all day wasn't laziness; it was my mind and body trying to escape the constant emotional burden. Sometimes, just lying on the bed with warm lighting, staring blankly, was the only peace I could find. So, what does 'checking in with yourself' actually mean in practice? For me, it started with acknowledging these feelings without judgment. Instead of saying, 'Why am I so lazy?', I began asking, 'What is my body trying to tell me?' It meant journaling, even if it was just a few sentences about how utterly exhausted I felt. It meant reaching out to a trusted friend, even when every instinct told me to isolate. It also meant revisiting professional support, because sometimes, we need external guidance to navigate these complex feelings. If you're reading this and thinking, 'This sounds like me,' please know you're not alone. That constant tired feeling, the desire to sleep away the day, the feeling of being depressed even when you're outwardly managing – these are valid experiences. Don't wait for a crisis to acknowledge your mental health. Small, consistent acts of self-awareness and self-care can make a difference. It's a journey, not a destination, but it's a journey worth taking for your well-being. Remember, it's okay not to be okay, and it's brave to seek understanding and support.