NSGF life feels SO ONE-SIDED💔 til you realise this
<Part 2> EFFORT
hey gurlies and NS men, im back to share about how it SUCKSSS to be an NSGF 😭 ... but with communication techniques from Part 1 and my tips on effort from this post, youre gonna be 80% there😉 posting this on thu cos its 1 day before book out yayy
our RS used to be two ways, but WHY DOESNT IT SEEM LIKE IM PUTTING IN SO MUCH EFFORT AND NOT GETTING THE SAME EFFORT BACK...
I become the ONE to
🥹plan dates... (if he even has the energy to go on them lol)
🥹To TRAVELLLL to his house
🥹To SACRIFICE MY PLANS AND ADJUST MY SCHEDULE just so i get to see him or call him just for a tiny while...
🥹and sometimes these plans change so last minute, i cant even make plans with my friends or family
and when he finally books out.. hes either SLEEPING OR JUST HAVE NO ENERGY TO LOVE ME LIKE HE USED TO...
so i try to talk about my emotions , to communicate BUT HE SHUTS IT OFF, he says hes done with my emotional shit...
does he still love me?... is it that hard to just reassure me or not show an angsty face at me when i FINALLY get to spend the wkend with you?
GURLS i gotchu, it doesnt have to be like that, lets shift our mindset a little ✨️
i need to reassure yall one thing: IT IS NOT ONE-SIDED TRUST ME, even if ur bf seems tired and drained all the time. (assuming he is a gd bf and not actually toxic)
all you need to do is to sit down and communicate about how much EFFORT you want one another to put in
✅️ask him how much effort would he be comfortable to put in, try to quantify it or be specific like " i should be able to spend 1 full book out day with you" , " i would like to spend with you but at my house, dates maybe once a month"
❌️I used to travel 1.5 hrs every friday and camp outside his camp for like 1hr just waiting for him to book out and its often very ULU so please girls for your safety dont be stupid like me, make sure you are safe. i would cancel all plans to just wait for him .
✅️instead of being very overeffort like me, ask him what kind of effort he wants from you, perhaps what he wants is for u to find your own friends on his book out day so he can rest well and have FULL ENERGY for you on the wkends?
✅️ does he want calls every night, does he want shoulder rubs from his heavy backpack, does he want words of encouragement and a listening ear for the shit hes going through? think about your love languages and try to put in effort in that aspect, both ways not just from you.
✅️ what you are giving him might not be what he needs, this may lead to u feeling unappreciated like ur doing so much for him but why doesnt he seem happy? so try to overcome this mismatch
✅️ have realistic expectations of effort from him, imagine being so mission focused for 5 days a week , barely having time to think of anything else, and already spending that 10 mins a night calling you, of course he may be dismissive when u bring up your feelings because thats the last thing he would want to hear when he is shagged. some things you can expect would be:
✨️dates once every 3 weeks
✨️calls every other night if not in outfield
✨️him learning the importance of verbal reassurance ( boys it rly doesnt harm u to say an xtra i love u or i miss u!! u can avoid whole conflicts n dealing w ur gfs emotions with ONLY 3 WORDS...)
✨️ both sides having EMPATHY💓 , not blaming or dismissinf
🙏so in summary, ur effort may feel one sided because it does not match with what he needs. u dont have to do too much, especially when he doesnt have the energy to receive it. so ask him what he needs from you and let him know your love language. write down what u can compromise for each other eg u need dates biweekly, he only can do every month, then compromise for dates every 3 wks but meeting each other at home every week.
Thank u for reading all the way till the end!!
Feel free to COMMENT your concerns or what youd like me to cover next!!
posting part 3 next week so SAVE LIKE this for UPDATESS💓💓💓
n pm me if u ever feel lonely frm this! ITS OK U WILL GET THRU THIS, part 3 will be up soon next week so do drop a follow to keep up w the advice!!
Travel itinerary and food guides coming soon tmr so do drop me a follow~~~
NSGF PART 1 - THE SHORTCUT, how to communicate
Part 0 - I SURVED AS AN NSGF & u can too!! ask anyth!
It’s normal to sometimes feel like you’re the only one putting effort into your relationship, especially when your boyfriend is in NS and seems exhausted all the time. What helped me was realizing that effort doesn’t always look the same to both people. Sometimes, your partner might be showing care in ways you don’t immediately recognize. For example, my boyfriend might not have the energy to plan or even join frequent outings, but he might value quiet moments and reassurance through simple texts or brief calls. Having an honest conversation about the kind of support each of you can realistically provide helped me avoid feeling unappreciated or overextended. I also learned to set boundaries for my own safety and well-being, like not camping outside his camp or cancelling all my own plans just to wait for him. It’s important to respect your own time and needs while being supportive. Matching love languages can make a huge difference. Maybe your partner prefers words of affirmation or physical touch like a shoulder rub after a long day. Try to focus on these gestures that matter most to him, and don’t hesitate to tell him what makes you feel loved too. Ultimately, relationships during NS are about flexibility, empathy, and communication. Don’t expect perfection or constant energy; instead, work together to find compromises, like spacing dates between once every three weeks or having alternate-night calls. Remember, if you’re feeling lonely or overwhelmed with the imbalance, seek advice from friends or communities who understand NSGF experiences. You’re not alone, and with patience and open communication, you both can make your relationship thrive despite NS challenges.
can we get a part three🥺