He wants me to stay, not study

Found out the reason why my bf proposed to me —he only did it because he doesn’t want me to go abroad for my scholarship next year.

I tried explaining that we can still make it work: get engaged, maybe even married, and still visit each other on holidays. The country I’d be in is close, flights are cheap, and e-visas are easy. But he said I was being “stupid” and that schooling abroad isn’t important.

The crazy part is… he already got to study abroad before. He lived his life to the max. Meanwhile, I’ve been stuck in a job with insane hours (out the door by 5am, home by 6pm), barely keeping it together. This scholarship is my chance to finally switch careers and build a better future.

Instead, he wants me to keep this job I hate, marry him, have kids, and basically give up my dream. I love him, but I can’t shake the feeling that if he truly cared about me, he’d want me to grow — not just settle.

Am I wrong for wanting both love and my future?

#AskLemon8 #LetsChat #LifeChoices

2025/10/8 Edited to

... Read moreFacing a situation where your boyfriend proposes solely to prevent you from studying abroad can be emotionally challenging and confusing. It’s important to recognize that your ambition to pursue a scholarship overseas represents not only educational growth but a vital opportunity to change your life trajectory. Many people experience similar dilemmas when their partners resist big life changes that may mean physical distance temporarily. However, true support in a healthy relationship means encouraging each other’s growth, even if it involves sacrifices like long-distance periods. Considering that your boyfriend himself has already had the experience of studying abroad, it’s reasonable to expect empathy about the importance of this opportunity. His reaction may stem from fears of losing the relationship’s closeness or uncertainties about the future. Open, honest communication about your goals, feelings, and plans for maintaining the relationship long-distance can help you find a mutually respectful path. Modern technology and travel options have made long-distance relationships more manageable than ever. Frequent visits during holidays, video calls, and continuous support can help maintain emotional bonds, allowing you both to grow individually and together. Ultimately, deciding whether to stay or go should not force you to choose between love and your future. It is possible to have both, provided there is mutual respect and understanding. Prioritize your dreams while communicating your commitment to your relationship. Exploring counseling or relationship coaching might also help address these conflicts and reinforce trust. Remember, your scholarship abroad is a step toward a better career and life—your partner’s willingness to support that journey reflects genuine care and respect. Choosing to pursue your education and maintaining your relationship are not mutually exclusive but require effort and open hearts from both of you.

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