Youngho Adulting day 3
I missed an entry or 2 but like it’s my diary. I still miss him. I js wanna feel seen and wanted. Given attention too and most of all loved. I’m sorta starting to hate him or myself bc of feeling the way I do towards the relationship and how it ended. Trust me no one was perfect in the relationship but I js wanted us to push and try harder for the other. But in all honestly it was one sided. I did everything to make it work and yes he would try and improve minimally but wasn’t enough for both of us I believe. And not only that but I would do most of the paying for us , planning our next day tg, always dropped hints if I get flowers or not, always asked for relationship validation in putting my name in his bio and if he would post and make a highlight of me… He was all new to it but it doesn’t matter when ur “in love” w/ that person. Bc u do it scary , uncomfortable, worried etc but I didn’t want to let go of the idea of his potential or only saw the best qualities in him. I’m so attached and that’s always been my problem… so it’s my fault right? For being so persistent about being w/ someone who couldn’t care less abt me the next day no hesitation. I don’t believe that but it feels like it unfortunately. Update though, I have to go back to school for anatomy and psychology eveything is in the works but trust me I am nervousssss but excited but dreading but glad. Ik everything will get better through time but it is hurts still.
Reflecting on my own experiences with one-sided relationships, I truly resonate with the feelings of missing someone while questioning your own worth and the efforts you put in. It’s so common to hold on to the best parts of someone, ignoring the reality that love must be mutual and balanced to thrive. When you constantly give more—emotionally, financially, or in planning—it's exhausting and eventually painful. One thing that helped me was recognizing that wanting validation, like wanting to be featured on social media or hoping for simple gestures like flowers, is completely natural. It’s a way to feel seen and appreciated. When those needs aren't met, it can make you question if you're enough or if the love is real. But it’s important to remember, needing love and attention doesn't make you weak or demanding; it makes you human. Starting back at school, especially in subjects like anatomy and psychology, can be both healing and intimidating. Understanding how our minds and bodies work can bring insight into why we feel so attached or why letting go is so challenging. For anyone going through this, diving into learning about human behavior and mental health can be empowering—it provides tools to better understand yourself and foster healthier future relationships. Healing from a painful breakup isn’t linear. There are days filled with doubt and others with hope. What helped me was journaling consistently—just like a diary—to express raw emotions without judgment. It gave me clarity and slowly helped me rebuild love for myself. Remember, it’s okay to feel conflicted and to take the time you need. Your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s ability to love you back consistently. In the end, persistence in a relationship should be mutual. Loving yourself enough to walk away when your efforts aren’t reciprocated is a powerful act of self-care. This phase, though painful, is also a chance to grow, learn, and prepare for connections that truly value and cherish you fully.
