A letter for when I felt too soft for the world

This year, i turned 29.

And i have been thinking about all the things i wish someone had told me - not to fix anything, but to simply say: ‘i see you’ or, ‘this is a valid feeling’.

So here are 29 letters to myself. Maybe to you too.

Dear you,

You always wonder, why do people always approach me for help? Not really “help” help per se, but random things like asking for directions, asking for help to translate, asking about how to use certain things around you. And all these, while you are just standing there minding your own business with your noise-cancelling earphones and sometimes even trying to find the way yourself.

You feel flattered, because when you think about it, you would only approach friendly, kind looking people for such help if you ever need any. So hopefully that means you are actually kind and friendly looking to these people too.

That, is what being soft looks like.

Sometimes you hate this softness. You hate that being soft means that you are the one dealing with most things. You hate that being soft means that you are always the one who is overthinking, wondering if other people’s feelings are hurt. You hate that being soft oftentimes means, you are the one getting hurt while others just… live their lives as is.

You always wonder how to be harder. How to not be so soft. How to, not let this world chip you away bit by bit.

Honestly, i don’t quite have the answer for you. Because i don’t know how to do it either.

You feel too soft, because you feel like this world treats you as a doormat. Takes you for granted. People don’t really think twice and thrice like you do. You feel too soft because you don’t quite know how to protect your heart. And when you do, you feel guilty for doing so.

Well, all i am here to tell you is, you can feel guilty but still be firm in wanting to protect your heart and your boundaries. Because no one else will do it for you.

You can be soft, but strong at the same time.

And i hope that you remember this on days when you feel too soft. Because you are not TOO soft. You are soft, sure. But that is what makes you, you. It is what you ironically use as your armour and protection as you navigate this world that feels way too harsh, way too difficult, and way too heartless.

The world needs more kindness, and i am glad that you are here to offer them some. But at the same time, please remember to offer yourself some of the kindness.

I know it is not easy to do so. You are so used to feeling like the rest of the world deserves the kindness, while you have received so much from the world, and that you should be thankful and appreciative of all that you have received.

But i hope you remember, that this softness doesn’t have to make you heartless too. Right now, I’m gna be honest. I am struggling to write this letter so much. Because I cannot remember what it feels like to be soft anymore. I feel like i have been trying to be tough for so goddamn long, that all i can remember is how to put on a tough front and just… fight the world as it is.

So on days when you feel too soft, please take some of that softness and use it to melt your own heart. Don’t let the world harden you into what you dislike about this world.

I know feeling that no one understands how you feel sucks. It makes you want to scream at the world. It makes you wonder why the world is like this. It makes you want to be just like them.

But please remember, that this is exactly what makes you, you. Remember the times when strangers would approach you for help. Not because you look like you have your shit together, but because your aura exudes softness. In the midst of this harsh world.

Hang in there, little girl. Your softness doesn’t make you weak. It makes you brave in a world that sometimes forgets how to be kind. And i will be here, patiently waiting for you to melt my heart again, whenever you are ready.

Love,

pf

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