A letter for when I felt too nice at work
This year, i turned 29.
And i have been thinking about all the things i wish someone had told me - not to fix anything, but to simply say: ‘i see you’ or, ‘this is a valid feeling’.
So here are 29 letters to myself. Maybe to you too.
Dear you,
You wonder what it means to be “too nice” at work. You do your best to do your best for everybody. Even people outside of your team.
Someone is not coping? Sure, what can I do to help?
Someone is not feeling confident? Sure, tell me what’s wrong.
So where did it all go so wrong? How did the helpful nature turn into a sword, that is now stabbing you back?
You keep asking yourself — did I misjudge people? Should I stop being helpful altogether?
You used to wonder why others didn’t want to help.
Now, you understand them a little more.
Because sometimes, being helpful turns into a weapon.
Sometimes your good intentions get twisted into something else —
something you “did wrong,” something you “flipped on.”
You tell yourself to stay friendly, but lately it feels like work punishes the kind ones.
And it hurts. Because you feel so much, even in your job. You remember what it’s like to feel lost, helpless, useless and all you ever wanted was to make sure no one else felt that way.
But when you hear things like “that behaviour irked me” or “I’m annoyed”, even if it’s not said to your face, you start to wonder if you ever stopped being that lost, helpless person yourself.
The truth is, I don’t have an answer for you.
It’s hard being too nice at work.
I wish I could tell you to care less but that’s not who you are.
And maybe that’s okay.
I guess work is really just a part of the game we all call life. It’s so unpredictable, and honestly you can control close to nothing. I want to tell you to continue being nice, but maybe, this time round, with more discernment. Know when to be nice, when to be professional. Don’t have so much expectations of others, especially ones you don’t know and feel like you want to be kind to. Not because they don’t deserve it, but because the one who deserves the kindness most, is yourself.
Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be “too nice”. But when that backfires, don’t be so quick to blame yourself. Because you cannot control what others do with the kindness you provide them. Perhaps it will stab you back, i can’t predict that. But when that happens, just choose to be professional. Move on, and continue to be kind.
I’ll be here, reminding you to be kind, especially to yourself.
Love,
pf
Being too nice at work is something many of us experience but seldom discuss openly. From my own journey, I’ve realized that while kindness is a strength, it can sometimes make us vulnerable in highly competitive or stressful work environments. When I was too eager to help colleagues, even those outside my immediate team, I often found myself drained and second-guessing whether my intentions were appreciated or misunderstood. One lesson I learned is the importance of setting healthy boundaries. It doesn’t mean we stop being kind or helpful; rather, it means being intentional about where we invest our emotional energy. For example, when someone is struggling, it’s okay to ask yourself, "Is this something I can realistically support without sacrificing my workload or mental health?" Sometimes the best help is guiding others to resources or encouraging them to seek support elsewhere. Another key takeaway is practicing discernment in workplace relationships. Being friendly and professional includes understanding that not everyone will respond to kindness the way we hope. Some may misinterpret helpfulness or take advantage of it. When that happens, remember that it’s not a reflection of your value but more about others’ perspectives or their own challenges. Self-kindness is critical in this dynamic. Often, we are our harshest critics when our niceness backfires. It’s essential to remind yourself that you cannot control the outcomes or others' reactions—only your actions and attitude. The wisdom in continuing to be kind but pairing it with professionalism and self-respect can transform your work experience. This reflective approach aligns closely with the idea that work is part of the larger game of life—unpredictable and out of our full control. Yet, by treating yourself with compassion and choosing kindness mindfully, you create a foundation of resilience. When you feel lost or hurt, take a moment to acknowledge those feelings as valid. Share your experiences with trusted peers or mentors who understand these complexities. Through these connections, you’ll find strength and solidarity. Ultimately, being "too nice" doesn’t have to be a burden. It can be a unique asset when balanced wisely. Embrace your kindness, honor your limits, and don’t forget to be kindest to yourself.
