A letter for when death felt too close

This year, I turned 29.

And I have been thinking about all the things I wish someone had told me — not to fix anything, but to simply say: “I see you” or, “this is a valid feeling.”

So here are 29 letters to myself. Maybe to you too.

Dear you,

Death always felt like it is fairly faraway from you. You lost most of your grandparents when you were young(ish), and so you thought you had a long while before you would experience a close death again.

Then your grandma passed. And you looked at all her kids crying at the loss of their parent and it made you wonder about the loss of YOUR parents.

Then you told yourself, your parents are still relatively young, and they would live a long life.

Then your uncle passed. And you held back your tears looking at him in the coffin, wondering when he got so frail.

And it made you realise, how… fragile life is.

You don’t know when it started happening, but you cry at every death now. Even deaths of people you don’t know. Deaths of celebrities. Deaths of random people you see on TikTok.

And you ask yourself, why am I so affected by their emotions?

And you realise, it’s because you feel the emotions of those left behind.

You watched your aunts cry so uncontrollably at the loss of their parent, and you thought that would be the last of it for a long while. Then you experienced it again when they lost their brother. And it makes you wonder, why does death happen? Why is life so fleeting?

You are not filled with regret, you are just filled with so many questions about life and death.

You wonder what is going through the people’s minds as they cry. You wonder if it is regret, you wonder if it is the fact that they will never see those people again. You wonder if anyone else feels the same way as you – the overwhelming sadness for the people who are left behind, who are carrying the burden of loss.

People say that grief is something that never goes away. And you fully agree. But you wonder about the grief for those who are alive.

Who is grieving for those who are left behind?

Grief is defined as the natural reaction response to the loss of something deemed important. It is natural to grieve the death of someone. To miss someone who has passed. But what about the ones who are still alive, but have their lives so significantly, and so deeply changed?

Perhaps what affects you the most about death, is not the death itself. It is not the loss of the person. But rather, it is the fact that you now have to watch these people who are still alive, live their lives with a gapping hole in their heart. You look at them, and you are reminded that they are grieving the loss of someone important. And that it will never go away.

You never planned to write this letter. It was never something that came to mind. But as you saw people processing their loss on social media, you started to wonder why it affects you so much.

So through this letter, I guess you now learn that what pains you the most, is not the loss of the person. But rather, because you feel the pain that the people who are alive feels. Because you look at them, and you are reminded of their loss. Because you look at them, and all you want to do is to give them a big hug and tell them that everything will be fine. Even if they live with a gapping hole in their hearts. To tell them that it is alright to change, it is alright to feel a little different, when life has changed so significantly yet so little at the same time.

I guess, the next time you feel affected by death, I hope you remember that you believe in next lifetimes. And that in another lifetime, you will meet the people you love again. And hopefully experience lesser heartbreaks.

But also know that having a lot of heartbreaks means that you have a lot of people to love.

Love,

pf

#Lemon8 #Lemon8SG #MyPOV #GirlTalk #RealTalk