Breastfeeding is HARD, and just not for everyone
TW** Post-Partum Depression.
So, my son is now 3 years old. He is smart, he is fast on his feet, quick-witted, and creative... the first 5-5.5 months of his life were quite literally the hardest of being his mom. I’d take the threenager stage I’m going through over and over to avoid doing that again.
I’ve seen so many posts here of moms being told they’re “selfish” for not breastfeeding. And I feel that it is time to tell my story, and hopefully help another mom.
From the time my son was born, breast feeding was hard. It is NOT for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying. I was producing colostrum days before my son was even born, so that wasn’t a problem. I knew from the first day something wasn’t right. He couldn’t latch, even latching to most bottle nipples was difficult (the ONLY brand we were successful with bottles was Tommee Tippee) while we were still in the hospital, I told them something wasn’t right and he wasn’t latching. We tried everything, nipple guards, we even used bottle nipples as nipple guards to try.
I had a nurse, who retired a week later, tell me it was my fault he wasn’t latching, my boobs to big and nipples too small. Doctors agreed. Because I couldn’t get him to latch, we supplement fed as well, because I was lucky to get a 2-minute latch at best.
I was CONVINCED he had a tongue tie. I was told by doctors, nurses, midwives and even a lactation specialist that I was crazy and there was nothing wrong, some even went as far as calling my newborn/infant son LAZY because I was supplement feeding because he wasn’t latching and getting the nutrients he needed otherwise.
When my son was about 12 weeks old, I spent an entire day trying SO hard to get my son to latch. My husband was on a 12-hour shift, and I lived 7 hours away from my family and felt like a burden on friends. I spent that day hating myself, hating my husband, hating my son, hating EVERYTHING. I cried, I screamed, I loathed myself. I wanted to not be alive anymore- I HAD to be able to breast feed him at some point! Alas, I couldn’t handle it anymore and as soon as I felt the depression hit, I decided to do what was best for both of us.
Fast forward to 16 weeks, I had spent feeling like a failure, feeling like my son deserved better than me, and I wasn’t worth the trouble this sweet little boy was having.. seeing judgemental moms online, made me feel like a total 💩 as a mom.. til I met my pelvic floor physiotherapist, who is also a lactation specialist. I told her my story, my son in the room with us, and she looked at me with all seriousness, and said “it sounds like a lip tie, maybe a tongue tie. Do you mind if I take a look?” And when I agreed, she washed her hands and jumped into action.. within 20 seconds, she was telling me “yeah, these are extreme lip tie and tongue ties.. how has no one noticed these?” She then referred me to an orthodontist, who when my son was 20 weeks, officially diagnosed and laser-clipped them both. By this point, I was done breastfeeding, and on the mend from my depression and my son and I had bonded SO much, and we were both so much more relaxed about feeding, so I refused to go back to it. I didn’t want to go backwards and stress my son (and I) back out to the point of beyond repair, and make the depression worse than it already was…
So no, mama, you are NOT selfish if you choose to bottle feed. Breastfeeding is hard, it’s stressful, and can affect your bond with your baby, and can be something that affects your mental health in a huge and scary way… especially if you’re not being listened to.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. YOU CANNOT POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP.
Making sure your baby is safe and fed, and YOU are safe and cared for, is what matters. You’ve already done the super human thing by bringing a baby into this world, don’t let others opinions dictate how you feed them, as long as your baby is fed, that’s what matters. 🩷
Many moms face unexpected challenges with breastfeeding, and it’s so important to address these openly. I found that despite trying every technique and tool, including nipple shields and different bottle brands, breastfeeding didn’t work for me or my son. Sadly, we were often told it was our fault or that my son was simply lazy, which added to my feelings of guilt and isolation. It’s vital for new mothers to have supportive healthcare professionals who listen and take concerns seriously. In my case, the diagnosis of extreme lip and tongue ties came late, after weeks of painful attempts to feed and ongoing depression. Once properly diagnosed and treated with a laser procedure, feeding became easier for my son, though by then I had chosen to prioritize our mental health and bottle feeding. If you are struggling as a breastfeeding mom, know that you are not alone and that choosing bottle feeding does not make you selfish or less of a good parent. Your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your baby are what matters most. Seeking out specialists like lactation consultants or physiotherapists can make a big difference. Breastfeeding may be celebrated, but it’s okay if it’s not the path for you. Whether feeding your child breastmilk or formula, the love and care you provide is what truly counts. To all the moms feeling overwhelmed, remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself as you care for your little one.
People don't realize how hard it really can be. it's not necessarily "normal" for a baby to just know how to latch and feed right away. if they do consider yourself so so blessed ... 100s (maybe even 1000+ dollars) have gone to all kinds of pumps supplements bottles pacifiers etc and baby wouldn't take ANY. or latch without screaming and thrashing around. stressing him out so bad that I would cry too. on top of that I was barely producing a few oz once I got home from the hospital (spent 5 days and baby spent 15) if wish I could have had a successful journey SO SO BAD. but it just wasn't in the cards this time I guess. and the posts shaming formula make the ones like me feel like shit even worse. like a failure like "my body is literally made to do this and I can even get that right" we already feel like that. yalls shaming posts and comments OBVIOUSLY make us feel like less than. when we tried everything we could and just couldn't do it.