I HATE Men, but I MARRIED a good one
I heard someone online say that women who hate men generally have better boyfriends or husbands, and it truly believe that. The logic behind it is that, if you know what a shitty person looks like, you'll be able to eliminate the shitty ones from the genuinely good ones or keep men in check of their internalised misogyny. So this is my advice to all the women and girlies out there:
- expect that every man you meet is going to disappoint you
- men are trash
- don't settle, know what you're worth
Hi, I'm Wendy and I hate men, but I'm married to one, so what gives? My husband is a clear contradiction to my 'men are trash' theory, right? While I recognise (my husband as an example) that not ALL men are trash, I've decided to go into life just believing that men in general are all trash. Life is so much easier. The idea is that men will have to prove that they're not trash, instead of us believing they are a decent human being, but instead, we end up disappointed with trash behaviour.
Before you start with the 'not all men' comment, let me explain it mediphorically, if i gave you a box of 10 chocolates and told you that 3 pieces are dog shit. Wouldn't it be safer to assume that it's a box full of shit? Why take the risk of eating shit? Unless you are setting yourself up for failure, but that's a discussion for another post.
Why do I believe that men are trash?
It doesn't come out of nowhere. It was built by my 27 years of living, interacting and hearing countless stories about the ridiculous things that men (friends/colleagues/bosses/friend's partners) get away with doing and saying. The bar is in hell, and the expectations for men are so low that dating a guy who doesn't cheat can be considered dating a saint to some. But why does it have to be that way?
Changing Your Perception Of Men:
A good man is just an average woman.
If a man loves his partner, doesn't cheat, is caring, and puts in effort to remember details about their partner, he is considered a rare gem, a 'high quality man' if you will. But if you actually think about it that's literally all women. (or at least it's all the women that I know) I heard someone on XHS say, 'a high quality man, is just an average woman'. Which I couldn't agree with more. I think if you're looking for a partner, you should expect more. If they're gonna be your life partner/husband, and you already have things you can't stand about him (him ogling at other girls/saying hurtful things/abu$e/etc), a ring isn't going to fix anything.
What if you love a man, but he's showing trash behaviour?
If you love him, talk to him. I know it can be hard and frustrating to converse with a man, but if he's a decent human, he'll listen to what you have to say with compassion and empathy. If he loves you, he would care about what you feel and change. But if he brushes you off, I honestly feel like he is a lost cause. Cut your losses. Learn to be happy on your own, than be miserable with someone who doesn't treat you right.
At the end of the day, as much as I would love to attribute it my relationship to everything i wrote above. I kinda believe I really got lucky with my husband. I heard from friends that the dating pool isn't filled with the best candidates, so my post might come off as 'stuck up', but I'm not trying to tell you who is trash and who isn't. Overall, I just want every girl to know that, you dont have to settle for:
- someone who claims to love you, but constantly does things that hurt you
- someone relies on you completely and take no responsibility/accountability in their own life
- someone who never puts effort into anything in your relationship
- someone who can't have hard conversations with you
- someone who can't regulate their emotions (be it anger, sadness, jealousy, etc)
- someone who cheats
- someone who lies
- someone who puts you down and is never genuinely happy for you
- someone who has no respect for you, to do any of the above
Stay safe girlies.
#wendyxgoh #lifeadvice #RelationshipTalk #GirlTalk #RealTalk
From my own experience and conversations with many women, the idea that 'women who hate men have the best boyfriends or husbands' holds some truth. It mainly stems from being cautious and setting high standards to avoid toxic relationships. When you expect less from men, you prepare yourself for disappointment but also sharpen your ability to recognize truly good partners. One thing I’ve found valuable is to keep the bar high—not accepting behaviors like lack of accountability, disrespect, or emotional neglect. It’s empowering to realize that what counts as 'high quality' in a man is often just basic decency, which is fair to expect in any relationship. Also, communication is key. For those willing to discuss concerns and work on issues, the relationship can improve. But if your partner dismisses your feelings or refuses to change harmful behaviors, it's a sign to reconsider the relationship. I also believe that a little skepticism about men helps many women stay vigilant and protect themselves emotionally. But it’s important to balance that skepticism so it doesn’t close you off to meaningful connections. In my journey, I got lucky with my husband, who defies many negative stereotypes. This taught me that while some men do fall short, others can truly be remarkable partners if given a chance—and if we demand the respect and care we deserve. So, ladies, trust your instincts, communicate openly, and never settle for less than you’re worth.
Can also go out in life assuming that most women are trash too 😂. Does it work that way. I mean at the end of the day, who knows us the best other than ourselves? Maybe God does. In fact now most working women out there are our competitors in the job market anyways unless one becomes our partner in crime.