Would you marry someone if you were already scared
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and now he’s asking me to marry him. The problem? His anger issues. In the beginning, I told myself I’d just put up with it until we eventually split, but I never told him that.
When his parents started pushing him toward an arranged marriage, he proposed to me instead. I said no and told him about my concerns. He promised to change, even quit smoking, and asked for time to prove himself.
But the truth is… I’m starting to feel scared around him. He gets upset if I’m not affectionate enough and says I’ll “never find someone who loves me this much.” Part of me still cares, but this is about the rest of my life — and I don’t know if love is enough to outweigh the fear.
Would you marry someone if you were already scared of their temper?
It sounds like you're in an incredibly tough situation, and your feelings are completely valid. So many of us have been there, grappling with the love we feel versus the terrifying reality of someone's temper. When I read your story, especially that part about feeling scared and 'fed up of his anger issues' – just like the text on that image, it really hit home. It's one thing to love someone, but it's another to live in fear of their reactions, especially when marriage is on the table. You mentioned he promised to change and even quit smoking to prove himself. While intentions can be good, real change, especially with deep-seated anger issues, takes a lot more than just promises. It requires consistent effort, self-awareness, and often, professional help like therapy. Is he actively seeking that help? Is his change about addressing his core issues, or is it just about winning you over for now? Pay close attention to whether he's truly working on himself or if these are just temporary fixes. Another thing that jumped out at me was his comment, 'you’ll never find someone who loves me this much.' This is a classic red flag, often called gaslighting or emotional manipulation. It's designed to make you doubt your worth and feel isolated, as if no one else could possibly accept you. True love doesn't try to control or diminish you; it empowers you. If you're starting to feel scared and like you're walking on eggshells, that's your intuition screaming at you. Listen to it. Your peace and safety are paramount. Think about what a life married to him would truly look like. Will you constantly be anticipating his next outburst? Will you feel comfortable being yourself, expressing your opinions, or simply having a bad day without fear of his anger? Marriage is about partnership, trust, and feeling safe with your person. If that foundational safety is missing, it's incredibly difficult to build a happy, lasting life together. It's crucial to distinguish between loving someone and being able to build a healthy future with them. You care for him, and that's understandable, but love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship riddled with fear and anger. Consider speaking with a trusted friend, family member, or even a therapist yourself to get an outside perspective and support. They can help you sort through these complex emotions and think clearly about your options. Ultimately, this is about your life and your well-being. It's okay to choose yourself. It's okay to say no to a future that makes you feel scared, regardless of how much you might care for someone. You deserve a partner who makes you feel safe, respected, and loved, without the constant threat of anger. Don't let fear of being alone, or his manipulation, push you into a decision that you'll regret down the line. Take time for yourself, observe his actions (not just his words), and trust your gut.
I have been married for 42 years, so what I'm about to say is from personal experience with my best friend and helping her. Her first husband had anger issues, and instead of waiting to get married, she went ahead with it. I told her not to marry him unless and until he went to counseling to get some help. And sure enough, everything I told her I was afraid of happened. His anger kept getting worse until he finally hit her, and then he would make an excuse and say he was sorry. Then he would beat her. He beat her several times, but the last time, she spent 2 weeks in the hospital. She almost died. The police were investigating, and he figured he would be jailed, so he took every penny she had out of her bank account, opened a credit card on her credit, took all of her jewelry that was real gold, most of which her grandmother. left her and pawned it, and took her car, that he forced her to add his name on and sold it, and then he ed the State. He did this while she was fighting for her life. Once he was caught and went to jail, he acted like the victim. She moved several states away, and only her Mom and Dad and grown children know where she is to this day. She suffers from trauma and abuse 30 years later. It's true that he may be suffering from trauma response. However, that is no excuse! It's called get Counseling and work on yourself! He has to do this for himself. You can not fix him, you can not change him you should not make any excuses for him. He needs to own it for himself. I beg you do not get married unless and until he gets counseling and healing for himself. He can't do it for you. And you are not his savior. My friend tried to save her husband. She and thousands of other women have done the same thing, and some are dead and some escaped. Run now!