Gaslighting yourself vs. Validating yourself

You know those moments when you feel something intensely, but then a voice inside your head immediately dismisses it? 'Oh, I'm just being dramatic,' or 'It's not a big deal, I should just get over it.' That, my friends, is self-gaslighting in action, and it's a habit many of us unknowingly fall into. It’s essentially when we invalidate our own emotions, thoughts, and experiences, making us doubt our reality and question our sanity. Based on what I've learned and observed in my own journey, this often stems from past experiences of external invalidation, where others, perhaps unintentionally, made us feel like our feelings weren't justified. Over time, we internalize those critical voices, leading to a cycle of shame and self-doubt that erodes our self-worth. But here's the good news: we have the power to reclaim our emotional well-being through self-validation. It’s about recognizing and accepting your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors as understandable responses to your life circumstances, without judgment. It doesn't mean your feelings are always 'right' or 'logical' in an objective sense, but that they are real and present for you in that moment. This practice is crucial for healing from the impact of internalizing critical voices and fostering genuine self-compassion. So, how do we shift from gaslighting ourselves to truly validating our inner world? It starts with mindful awareness and a conscious choice to talk to ourselves kindly. Recognize the dismissal: Instead of thinking, 'I reacted way too strongly,' pause. Acknowledge that your reaction, however intense, came from somewhere. Try rephrasing it internally: 'It was a stressful situation for me, and it's okay that I felt overwhelmed.' This acknowledges your experience without judgment. Challenge the 'not good enough' narrative: If you catch yourself saying, 'I want to... but I'm not good enough,' gently challenge that thought. A self-validating response could be: 'I can still try, and it's okay if I need more time to learn or grow.' This empowers you rather than diminishes your potential. Validate your pain, big or small: When that inner critic whispers, 'That hurt me but it could be worse,' stop it right there. Gently challenge it with: 'My feelings matter, and this pain is real to me right now.' This is practicing self-compassion, allowing yourself the space to feel without minimizing your struggles. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy — and of valid feelings! Grant yourself time and patience: Another common one is 'I just need to get over it.' A self-validating response would be: 'It is okay if I need more time to process this. Healing isn't a race, and my timeline is my own.' This respects your personal process and timeframe. Through consistent practice, I've noticed a huge shift in my own life. It's like building a stronger, kinder relationship with myself. When I started talking to myself kindly, acknowledging my struggles, and validating my emotions, I began to feel more grounded and confident. It helps me navigate challenges with greater resilience, knowing that my feelings are valid and I deserve empathy, especially from myself. Remember, reclaiming your power starts with these small acts of self-compassion. Next time you feel that urge to invalidate your own experience, ask yourself: 'Is my self-doubt getting in my way, or can I choose to validate myself instead?' It's a journey, but a deeply rewarding one for a healthier, happier you.