When I became my own patient,

📋 Sunday, October 19, 2025

Two years from now, I will be in charge of hallucinating patients - that's my career now.

At one point in my life, I was so mentally ill that I had to heal for a relatively long time, even after I could reduce my sleep dose to 0.5 milligrams, or the weakest blue pigment, but this time I had to start this process again.

📍 July 16-23, 2025, I went to practice and came home. After coming home, I had a lot of strange symptoms. When I came home, I remembered that my condition was very persistent. I couldn't take it or come back to collect anything, but I was confused, like my body, but I couldn't put any orders in it, and so on. But the most afraid was that I felt like I was "burned whole." At that time, staying at home didn't help. Even taking strong sleeping pills, I couldn't sleep, and there was a "voice of someone else" like a person talking louder. In my heart all the time

It was the most torturous part of my life, and I felt like a suicidal person sprang up in my heart, even though I never thought, but my mind made me feel that way, so I decided to leave home that night to sleep at the temple, and even if I changed my bed to the temple, the symptoms were not very different - it was hot and cold at the same time, like my body was burning and cold at the same time, and of course I couldn't fall asleep at all.

Until 4: 00 in the morning, I felt like I was asleep, but when I walked around in the morning, the symptoms started to improve a little.

📍 August 10, 2025.

I decided to hit the ticket to Bangkok. My sister said that there was a teacher who could explain my condition and had treated people with very similar symptoms - some of them went naked.

I stayed with him for a week until I felt better, and he taught me a whole new understanding, not just to heal myself, but to truly "understand the mentally ill."

Before that, I had been through many strange experiences, but this time was the hardest, because I did everything with my own understanding, without a director.

The Master told me that.

"Don't follow the mind. Don't think.

When the picture occurs, don't follow.

When there's a sound, don't listen. "

And the most important thing - he said, "Stop everything that's just about it."

I immediately understood that he did not give away the law, but to wait...

Wait until the sound and the additives calm down and then walk the same path again with a more stable heart.

As of now, at 4: 58 p.m., I'm getting more into the way, despite the mental flavoring that has occurred, confusing me with myself about whether this is "me," but I feel safer. From the gradually accumulated experience, I still have the same extreme and fatigue when I have deep talk, but I know it will disappear.

And it will be faster when I clear my energy with day-to-day meditation.

When I have a headache, my solution is to meditate for 30 to 45 minutes to clear these strains of energy, and it works.

So I was able to take care of my aunt's condition because everyone else couldn't start.

Since we thought we'd have to take her to a government nursing home, everything changed, because I'm going to take care of this.

Before, I couldn't do it because I got close to my aunt whenever I got a headache. My mother was so impatient and emotional that I couldn't take care of my aunt anymore. I refused because he said it wasn't worth losing my mental health.

So I volunteered for this job and charged more.

And if I'm really unable, I'll let go, too.

My daughter said she was working on papers, but it might take two years to get to America.

So I thought two years was enough.

That's all I can do today. I always tell myself this.

The rest let us tomorrow handle it.

🐞

In one part of my life, I was mentally ill.

There's a picture, there's a sound, there's a sense of fear, like it's not us.

We were "patients" on the side of the disease.

But when we started to know

"It's just a symptom, not all of us." We just ignore it, don't believe it, don't follow it.

We started watching ourselves -

That when there's sound, fear, thought,

We're starting to see it "happen-extinguish."

And we don't really own it.

That's when you start to become your own doctor.