Calling All My Neurodivergent Christians ✝️
My scrupulosity started when I was 19 and in my second year of juco. At first I thought I was too stressed and that was what was making praying harder. That was until the repetition, rituals and rumination started. I did have a habit of pinching my lower thumb whenever I’d have a bad thought, memory or the ruminations started however that was back in late middle school.
Last March I completed my first communion and was confirmed. I was so excited, however even the thought of going to church during my RCIA classes made my anxiety go through the roof. It wasn’t until May that I began going regularly however the anxiety never went away. In fact it got worse. I dreaded going to confession. I’d sit and hype myself up before going in, was burning hot when I’d come out from the embarrassment and would drag my feet to complete my penance. The whole mass I would be a ball of nerves, especially leading up to the sign of peace. My auditory hallucinations would have a field day before, during and after. I’d constantly be worried about sinning, if I was being a good Christian, was I praying enough? Do I have to go back to confession because of what my intrusive thoughts said, what the voices in my head said? I stopping going after my birthday in January. I was told to keep my voice down when confessing, and I was mortified. I didn’t enjoy my birthday party from replaying that through in my head over and over. I stopped reading the Bible through the Ascension app because I couldn’t focus, it would trigger me even more and it’d trigger the repetition and rituals. However that has now made me feel even worse. It is something I’ve touched on in therapy however I know it is something I need to continue to speak about. I am also trying out new OCD medication so I am hopeful there is light at the end of the tunnel but for now I just feel like a failure and stress out about dying and going immediately to hell. I’m not sure if any of this makes sense but it’s a relief to get it off my chest and not feel like I’m going crazy.
Please ignore how busted up my Bible is and how wonky my tabs are.
#lemon8diarychallenge #Lemon8Diary #christian #mentalhealth #ocd #religioustrauma
Scrupulosity, a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, can deeply affect religious individuals, often leading to anxiety and confusion regarding faith practices. For neurodivergent Christians, the challenges can be compounded by additional mental health concerns, creating a complex relationship with their faith. Many individuals report feeling overwhelmed by guilt associated with intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that interfere with their ability to fully engage in their religious practices. Common coping mechanisms include therapy, medication, and finding supportive communities where open discussions about mental health and religious struggles can take place. It’s crucial for individuals experiencing these feelings to understand that they are not alone. Building connections with others who face similar challenges through faith-based support groups can be transformative. Sharing personal stories within these safe spaces can help alleviate feelings of isolation and shame. In addition to community support, educating oneself about OCD and its impact on religious practices can empower individuals to create healthier relationships with their faith. Utilize resources such as books, articles, and mental health professionals who specialize in OCD and can address the intersectionality of mental health and spirituality. Addressing scrupulosity is not just about alleviating anxiety; it can also foster a deeper, more authentic connection to spiritual beliefs. By focusing on self-compassion and understanding that faith can be expressed in diverse ways, neurodivergent Christians can reclaim their joy in worship, navigate their spiritual paths with confidence, and learn to manage their mental health challenges productively.
Do you have any believers you can trust to be vulnerable and pray with? Perhaps that can help 🩷 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5 : 16 NLT