On a day when stress measures 100%.

Before going out to the park, I tried to assess my own state of mind.

The numbers go up to 100%.

I tried to pull it down to 70%.

But finally... the result is still 100%.

I can't help asking myself,

Before she was in this state,

How did I ever live?

While sitting down and starting to slowly unwind everything and just stare

The decay that climbs the color along the lines of light I can see.

Some cold begins to cover the head area.

The pain packed inside my head gradually subsided, becoming cold throughout the area where I felt pain.

This place always saved my life.

When I got home, I tried to look for her.

The aunt went to sleep in the dressing room and locked the door.

I knocked on the door for a long time, but she wouldn't have heard.

Until the sister had to help knock again

She cries. And lately she cries more often.

You know you're doing something I don't like.

I pity her.

Because the state of "unemployment" is not a paradise for everyone.

For some, it is extreme suffering.

I've faced this condition before.

And I'm one of those people who can't live with it very easily.

Especially on days when everyone has their own duties.

I did. I did. Everything went on.

Only I'm left... at a little work and taking care of my aunt.

It exposed me to some kind of gravity.

The same force that is beating you right now

Previously

When she was still on duty, she had a role in the house.

She looks like a housewife.

It's someone who actively helps with the little work in the store.

But after an argument with my mother,

She's not allowed to do any more work.

Because she told people that

We use her hard.

Something heavy started flowing back into my heart.

The energy of understanding and compassion began to fade.

This evening.

I came back to see her sleeping.

But I didn't feel anything special.

I just told him

"I can't take care of you anymore."

The telling went out like that, and in that second,

My heart is relieved... incorrectly.

I understand her to a certain extent.

She woke up around 1: 00 last night, walked into the room until she woke up.

She said she woke up again at three in the morning.

Like she doesn't sleep day and night.

And can really sleep just the evening of the day.

I tried to shake off some ideas.

But know that's not the whole fact.

Because she had slept at night before.

During my adjustment of everything to her,

Her condition is not stable.

And there will be some good days. Some bad.

I believe the day she sleeps at night

Maybe there's more than I thought.

But now

I just feel like... I'm not going with you like before.

Maybe.

I might start letting her go sometime.

Let her face every state of distress.

Both psychiatric and Alzheimer's.

Now and in the future.

My part.

Won't comment.

Won't try to fix it.

Will not expect any results.

I've been letting go of her hands for a while, in thought.

Even still can't let go of it all.

But I perceived my limits more and more clearly.

I acknowledge the suffering she faces.

And knew she would face it anyway.

I don't know when this fate will end.

But I'm ready to stand with that fact.

Today

I choose to trust in the calmest place in myself.

Look at her with perception, not bearing.

I felt pressure, fatigue, unrest.

That hovers around us.

But we have to move on.

I choose silence.

Choose not to prohibit

Choose to just look at her dormant.

You're gonna have to walk that path alone now.

Because I can only be your friend this moment.

"It's your last goodbye."

This ritual is over.

I'll be myself again. All right?

Or do these things over and over again, like the loop tape I often talk to your daughter about?

"She's like a loop tape that plays everything repeatedly."

I have no idea.

I'm just dusting off the mess.

And just... keep going.